Thirty years ago, a good friend invited me to join her extended family on their annual vacation. I’d attended the previous year and enjoyed myself, so I said yes again and flew out to meet everyone at the large house they’d rented for a week in one of the southeastern desert states. My friend, her parents, her two brothers and their spouses and children all arrived. We shouted greetings, hugged, and shared life updates.

Based on my experience the previous year, I had expectations. […]

Why do we adore our favorite novels? When a story grips us enough to be a favorite, some type of bonding has occurred. We connected to something as we read. This experience can go deep—for readers and for writers—and leave a lasting impression. What fascinates me is the crossover between fiction and real life, when stories or characters influence us to […]

When I sat on the couch in my living room this morning to explore the delicious topics of play, healing, and creativity, something surprising happened. Even though those topic have pervaded my life and I wrote a novel that explores them, until today I hadn’t really researched the synergies between those topics.

I fired up Google and started clicking links, following my curiosity, doing searches like play and healing. About two minutes in, I suddenly started sobbing […]

I wonder if I’m alone in having the experience of reading gay romance and, in the process, rethinking my marriage. Before I started reading gay romance, I read het romance for long time and didn’t rethink my marriage. Why was reading gay romance so different? Following that question’s trail of clues continues to take me to places where I feel more at home. […]

Real life occurs in the ongoing, sweat-soaked wrestling match between competing expectations. Do you know the feeling of really wanting to do something that someone else really wants you not to do? Or the situation where you say what you think and someone else tells you that’s not right? Or how about when one part of you has always done something this way, but another part of you wants to try doing it that way for a change? […]

When my new friend Andre told me about his quest for meaningful work, he mentioned ideas like getting a job on an oil rig in the North Sea or working for the post office, but he didn’t seem enthused. I had similar concerns for myself, and since Andre and I shared a love of personal development, we took to meeting in a cafe to listen to each other, ask […]

The enormous romance genre encompasses a wide variety of subgenres, so there’s plenty to choose from, and we readers of romance tend to be voracious. This doesn’t surprise me. One of my definitions of romance is a story focused on main characters who catalyze self-healing for each other and thus reach true intimacy and a mutual happy ending. Romance stories show us how to love and be loved as our real selves. Of course we want stories (and then more stories) about […]

You know that feeling when you’re pulled in different directions but don’t know which direction is right for you? This choice is at the root of creativity and healthy relationships. How we navigate moments by making choices adds up to a life. Our degree of courage to accept who we are and act in truth ripples out to shape society.

Do I do what I know to be the right thing for me, even when doing so […]

Walls built to keep out undesirables are as old as the first circled heap of stones. From stone walls to thwart invading hordes to security key pads and passwords, we humans devote vast resources to devising foolproof ways to separate us from them.

As I reach the three-quarter mark of the first cohesive draft of the novel I’m writing, it’s time to […]

We have some catching up to do in the realm of inclusion. In a quest to learn and level up over the years, I’ve developed a collection of resources about reading and writing inclusive romance. Listed below are my favorites from that collection. This is a place to […]

One of the main characters in my novel Everyday History writes articles about his treasured possessions. Each article focuses on a meaningful object and the important history it encapsulates. Reader interest in that novel and those articles led to this series of guest articles in the same style.

Lauren Sapala blew into my life when I started writing my second novel. She’s an author and writing coach for INFP and INFJ (that’s me) personality types. Through her books, our conversations, and: […]

Let’s talk about the street corner of the heart where romance novels, daily life, world events, and grief set up shop. This is not the safe part of town. And yet here we can find what we need to renew life... if we dare.

My favorite romance novels break me in tandem with the main characters, show me what’s required to mend, and […]

Recommending a book includes elements of exposure and risk: “Here. I offer you something I love. Therefore, as you read, you will find out more about me.”

A few years ago I sent my dad one of my favorite non-fiction books, curious to see if he would read it and, if he did, what he would think of it. To my surprise, he read it, we talked about it, and he asked for another book.

At the time of that first book recommendation, Dad was […]

Where do you feel most at home? Is your instinctive answer a town or a country, a family house, a room in your apartment, your bed? Why?

My lifelong love affair with the concept of home arose from weathering many moves as a child of parents who valued career opportunities (in their modest, service-oriented way) over location stability. As an adult, I extended the trend and continued to […]

At the intersection of memoir, story, and intimacy we find... the grocery list. A fascination with this treasure chest of an overlooked art form bloomed from a chance encounter with a stranger’s grocery list thirty years ago.

While at a retreat center nestled in the vast Oregon forest, I went for a hike in the rain and a yellow slip of paper caught my attention. I picked it up (of course I did; I’d been trained from an early age to respect nature and never to litter). The paper was […]

The more I write stories about men who are not straight, the more I discover they are about me as well.

In pursuit of creative spark, I throw questions into the air and open to receive. The story that comes will not be one I should write or hope to write. If I try to boss Story to stay inside the lines or hurry up or be marketable, inspiration suffers.

My job is to […]

In these days of computers and phones, writing by hand evokes nostalgia. I hear people say, “I’m trying to do everything digitally these days,” as they strive for efficiency and data-protection. But even in the midst of information overwhelm, the physical act of writing by hand on actual paper, in private, remains a powerful tool for personal alignment.

I’m here to raise a fist (clutching a pen) in support of journaling by hand. In particular, I’m here to […]

If you’re like me, your fiction preferences tend toward stories that take you deep and release you with reluctance. When I remember the books I loved most, I feel the joy again. I’ll bet you do too.

Literary gay romance—a niche within a niche within a niche—offers a unique opportunity for the discerning reader. The qualities listed below, when found together in a novel, add up to a reading experience worth […]

Although most of my novel Everyday History takes place in Boston, the story has its roots in the beautiful city of Freiburg, Germany, where I lived when I wrote it. Tucked into the southwestern corner of Germany, near both the French and Swiss borders, Freiburg nestles against the baby foothills of the Black Forest mountains. It’s the perfect size of city for getting around easily on foot while still preserving some anonymity.

I moved back to the United States a decade ago, but still consider Freiburg […]

You’re reading a novel. You’re into it. Great story. As you fully inhabit another world, the worries of the day recede. Your body’s reactions synchronize with events and character experiences in the story. Emotions, chemical signals in your brain, and sympathetic physical reactions occur—a gasp, a jolt, a gulp or smile.

But what happens when an error rears up in the text? […]

When someone tells me I don’t have the right to do something, I pay attention. For example, the right to write gay male characters in my novels if I’m not gay or a man. At the heart of the objections to women writing gay male romance is that we “can’t know.”

I can only speak for myself. This is true even when I write a story from the perspective of a gay man. To do so with any hope of genuineness, I have to […]

When people pay attention to you, what do you feel?

The chatter in the room pauses and all faces turn toward you. You react with… a raised chin and a smile? A gulp and a shrink? A “Pardon me” and a dust cloud as you make a beeline for the parking lot?

Whatever your reaction, the mechanisms around being seen were likely set in motion in […]

When I tell someone I’m a romance writer, their reaction is often a pause or a change of subject. The romance genre has a reputation as a distraction for people who can’t be bothered to think. This couldn’t be further from the truth. This genre gives us important information about how to achieve better relationships.

For a story to be included in the romance genre, it must have […]

When was the last time you lost yourself in a natural setting? What did you do there? How long did you feel better after you returned home?

You may have heard of the Japanese practice of shinrin-yoku, or “forest bathing.” This strikes a deep chord with me. In an article in The Guardian by […]

Homing is a query to the self, a quest for comfort, an orientation toward alignment. It’s a useful feeling to tune in to, because it tells us how close or far we are to the resting place of our own truth. If someone urges me to be a way I’m really not, I feel it as a separation from the home of my true self […]

As a private person, I socialize by diverting attention away from myself. I use my intuition and empathy to protect my introversion, by asking other people about themselves. If you need to get something heavy off your chest, dig into a problem that seems to have no solution, or tackle a dreaded task, I’m an asset.

If you need to get the party started, look elsewhere. At the shindig, I’ll […]